Is this an enjambment experiment? Your line breaks are very unorthodox, even by modern standards. And I'm not sure they work very well. They make the assonances in the first few lines seem randomly distributed and less effective than they might be, to my ear anyway. But maybe that's just habit, and yours or the next generation of readers will find it all natural. Or maybe I still don't understand the theory of line breaks.

As usual, your imagery is vivid and effective.

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xp is not px

the imagery in this piece just intoxicates the senses so splendidly:

"tarantula limbs press against your bare thigh"

-hope you had a good semester

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To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb

Flawless example of true poetry, words which come together to paint the perfect picture in the mind's eye.

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"Think left, think right. Think low, think high. Oh the thinks you can think up if only you try!" - Dr. Seuss

To the Universe

Chirp, it's been twittered.

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Hear lit tweet here

feels angry, in a really lit way.

Congrats. this is dog-house descriptive..

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BT.

"The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away."
— Robert M. Pirsig
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintanance

wow
i like dis....
i think u used personification just splendidly


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Death the Kidd, L, and Near are my main focuses right now
XD
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icon by :iconChaseYoungIsMine:
this pairing is the exception to mi no luv for yaoi
sorry :iconNotAnEmo101:
GO DESTIEL! OMG! THEY SO SMEXY!

Wow! That was really impressive! I liked the description of the different things at night, how inanimate things took on a life of their own or became something else entirely. I especially enjoyed how you changed seemingly ordinary and neutral objects into something repulsive or oppressive. I think I especially enjoy the lines about the trees being like tarantula legs and the sky being akin to vomit and the red lights freckling its sky. Very gorgeous descriptions. I wonder at the ending though. Were you aiming to have all these "transformations" of the street at night become something quite ordinary again? If so, it kind of seemed abrupt, but perhaps that is what you were aiming for? In a way I also wish it could be a little longer, that the changes would extend and fill in a few more spaces in the mental picture formed. But maybe that would be a bit superfluous. Instead of allowing the imagination to nip at this great stimulus you've provided us with I guess it might gorge itself instead. Mmm. Sorry for my scattered thoughts here. Regardless though, I really did admire it. A wonderful read indeed! Congrats on the daily deviation!

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You need only believe. .

I agree with this assessment. The semantic phrasing the writer used is effective in suggesting imagery, but the line breaks do not do a great deal to help punctuate the imagery or emphasize any of the metaphors, at least for me. But I do think they are in themselves strong.

I love the imagery in this piece, it really draws the reader in. I'm not an expert when it comes to random line breaks, but it's something I've always wanted to try.

Congratulations on the DD!

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- I am a Prose Admin for *DailyLitDeviations